I'm convinced in the 6+ years I've been overseas and in contact with missionaries, they have the best, craziest, and some of the funniest stories by far. This was another one, from friends of ours who knew this man who wrote this.... if you can get through it without a chuckle, I'd be amazed....
A Christmas Eve Story
If you are planning to be edified by this story because of the title think again. This is one of the most unedifying of our adventures that I know of, but it is also the most famous. Thanks to some of our so-called-friends who find enjoyment in these types of things, this story is known all over West Africa and is usually referred to as The Christmas Eve story. (I must add, though, that I imagine it will lose something without the proper facial expressions and sound effects that helped it reach its celebrated status.)
It begins, of course, on Christmas Eve, the Christmas Eve of 1987. Joel was just over a year old and Jonathan was in the pot. I had recently finished learning the Konkomba language, and we had begun holding services in our own town of Gbintiri. Christmas Eve was going to be our first evening service. Our house was about a quarter mile from the main road, and the church was still an outdoor shelter just on the other side of that road.
When the sun set Beth was still having morning sickness, and Joel had gone to bed early, so,even though I did not seem to be feeling all that well myself, I set out on foot for the service alonesince I was supposed to preach.
It was a black moonless night such as one can only experience in the bush, far from artificiallight. The lantern cast one ring of feeble brightness, and everything beyond that was lost in the impenetrable dark. When the time came I began to deliver my sermon. Things were going along smoothly to a point. Then, about half way through, IT HIT!
Now I had had diarrhea before, more than my share actually, but I had never experienced anything like this. It was as if two hands had grabbed my lower intestines and began to twist and squeeze. As I continued to preach, pressure was building at an alarming rate. The needles of my internal pressure gages quivered into the red zones and the rivets holding me together began to pop. I strained to keep my eyes from blowing out into the congregation, and my nostrils flared,threatening to turn inside out entirely.
Now if my brain had continued to function normally I would have simply stopped the sermon, excused myself for a moment, and taken care of this incredibly insistent problem. But by this time the pressure on my brain was so intense that rational thought was entirely impossible, and all I could think of was to just try to reach the end of the sermon and get out of there. In one brief moment of clarity I thought about trying to relieve a little of the built up pressure by slightly easing up on the sphincter valve and releasing a little gas. But no. It was impossible. The pressure was such that, given the slightest break in the containment field, there could be no other result than an explosion of epic proportions.
Now, they say when a person is drowning, that there is a moment of resignation, when that person realizes that death is inevitable, and he just gives in to the moment. I have experienced that moment. I reached the point when I just knew that this was going to happen and there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was resign myself. and let it happen. And it did.PLLLLLLLLLLLLTH!
I felt the warm dampness spreading in the lower regions. I was continuing on with the sermon as if nothing had happened. I looked at my flock and wondered, Do they know what is going on here? Can they smell me? because I can smell me.
I brought the sermon to a rapid close, told Jacob, one of the leaders, to lead a song, and bolted from the circle of lantern light into the comforting, concealing darkness beyond. There I ripped off my pants and squatted in the tall but sparse dry season grass, and cut loose. It was an event of Biblical proportions, as it says in Genesis chapter 7. On that day all the springs of the great deepburst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened.
It was an incredible relief. One could almost get high on the rush and exhilaration that comes with that sense of release. That is if it were not for the accompanying sounds that ripped through the night air.
PIBRRRRRRRRRTH. PLEHPLEH PLEH.HRRUUUPPPPPPTH (Its kind of hard to reproduce here in print, but you know what I mean.)
Suddenly my ecstasy was cut short by the growing realization that something was wrong. It was another sound or rather the lack of it.
Back within the sphere of light from the weakly glowing lantern, Jacob had failed in his assigned task. He and the entire congregation were gazing silently out into the darkness trying to discern from whence came these horrible demonic reverberations.
I think that my neck probably reached the length of about two feet with the effort as I strove to remind him, with the greatest possible emphasis, of his previous commission. I shouted at the top of my lungs, but I think that actually very little sound rasped past my overly-strained vocal chords as I screamed, S I N G ! I said S S S S I N GGGGG !!!!!!!!
Jacobs arms were already in motion and directing as he and the congregation snapped back to face one another, their voices swiftly breaking forth in a peon of praise.
Now safe in the darkness from prying eyes, and with the sound muffled by the overly-exuberant singing, I finished my business. Of course, at the time I didn’t think about the smell again, but one can not always think of everything. But in thinking of it afterwards, I am amazed by how so manyof the senses are brought fully into this one short story, sight, sound, smell, touch. Oh, but I am getting ahead of myself now. That comes next. (Oh, just be glad that taste never comes into this.)
I was now tired and exhausted by my previous efforts, but I faced one more moment of truth. I had to put those pants back on. I rose slowly bringing the pants up and into place. As I hauled them into position I felt that nauseating combination of cool wetness and, the even worse, warm wetness sliding with a slimy consistency against my skin.
Thus girded I waddled back into the brightness, being reminded again of Ephesians chapter five, It is shameful even to mention what they do in the darkness. But everything exposed by the light will become visible. (slightly paraphrased).
I said in a voice weak from battle and strain, I'm sick. I need to go home. If you want to sing a few more songs you can do that, but I need to go.
I don’t remember if they sang anymore or not. I shuffled the quarter mile home through the darkness. I walked in among my now sleeping family, went straight to the shower, and without removing any of my contaminated apparel, I twisted the spigot and began my eagerly awaited Christmas Eve shower. And as the purging liquid spread over my shirt and down my back, somewhere I thought I heard a voice echoing through the African night, Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Where is your faith? A republican president?
You know the story. The storm is raging, the waves pounding and the wind howling, but Jesus is asleep. The disciples are crying out, "We are perishing!" Jesus rises, rebukes the sea and wind, bringing immediate calm to the chaos, and then asks a heart probing, foundational question. "Where is your faith?" Where is it located at this moment? In yourself, in your condition, or is it SOLEY in me, the Lord God Almighty? If it IS in the right place, it will manifest itself in the appropriate response, the appropriate action.
I have to confess a burning in my heart, for it appears to me that much of the church still doesn’t get it. It IS NOT the government that determines if this is a "Christian" country, it’s not the promotion of candidates that should give voice to our convictions. It IS in how we live our lives that should show we are followers of Jesus and the preaching of the Gospel that should give voice to our convictions!
The shouting goes on…. Sarah Palin… the savior, the one who will turn this country around? No…..what’s happened in her own family? Her daughter is with a child with a guy that eventually poses for Playgirl and she goes on wanting to do a reality show? Does someone see something terribly wrong here? Is this where your faith is to see America turned around?
Mitt Romney? Placing millions of dollars in foreign banks to avoid paying taxes and guising it as something that is a simple investment and speaking something entirely different and "fighting" for the middle class. Are you serious? Is this ethical? Country above personal interests and acquired wealth? Or is it the other way?
Newt Gringrich, divorcing his first wife in his infidelity as she was with cancer, and then divorcing his second wife as she comes down with MS and now married again. His second wife testifying he wanted an "open" marriage, to have sexual relations with a mistress while married to her…and commits infidelity again. And Governor Perry is endorsing him? Are you serious? What kind of reflection is that on Perry’s standard? On the church’s standard?
Ron Paul, who has made anti Israel statements, which any Bible based believer should know that’s dangerous ground to say the least, that’s s a time bomb of God’s judgment for this nation if he follows his statements with action.
Are these who you are trusting in to "turn America around" to turn them back to God?
And it goes on….. Haven’t we been here before? (I don’t need to cross parties obviously to see whether righteousness is being promoted or not).
George W. Bush, the Christian savior for America? Why don’t you ask him about skull and crossbones secret societies or about the Bohemian Grove in California and what "secret" things go on their (abominations in the eyes of God!). A Christian? What kind of Christian are we talking about? What is our definition? Can you really serve two masters? Doesn’t Jesus say clearly you cannot? You will either love the one and hate the other.
"Who are you to judge?" No friend, it’s called discernment, God will judge, but we are to call black, black, and white, white, to declare what is righteous, otherwise you have no plumb line, you have nothing but a man who is "tossed by every wind of doctrine," one who has no foundation of rock and willingly lives out the statement of Jesus "if the blind lead the blind they both will fall into the ditch." He calls us to have our eyes open and following the truth!
The point is…. "Where is your faith?" When are we as the church going to place our faith solely in Jesus and DEMONSTRATE THAT BY OUR ACTIONS.
Let’s get real with ourselves.
You and I hold to Matthew 28:18-20, the GREAT COMMISSION, the centerpiece vision (or should be) in our churches, the subject of many a sermon.
How many disciples have I made in 2011? Have you made? In 2010? In 2009? Since Obama was in office?
A disciple should be according to Jesus, like his teacher. Are they like you? Do they use their money like you? Do they pray like you? Do they fast like you? Do they use their free time like you? Do they treat their families like you? Do they lead their families to the presence of Jesus like you? Do they know the voice of Jesus the Great Shepherd? Do they live holy? Are they filled with love and are reaching out to others with the Gospel?
If every "Spirit filled" believer just made 2 disciples every 6 months, America would be a different place. Period. With or without politics. Whoever is or will become President.
I didn’t ask what protest or what petition you signed or what you are advocating,…. How many disciples did you make this last year? That’s the COMMAND of Jesus. I’m not saying getting involved in social issues or the processing of laws is wrong, but that’s not what you are COMMANDED to do. You and I are COMMANDED to GO and MAKE DISCIPLES. If we are truly His disciples, then we will follow His example, which was pouring His few years on this earth into disciples.
Let’s get honest with God and with ourselves. "Where is my faith?"
Faith…. Is from the Word of God (Romans 10:17) and without works, it’s dead (James 2).
It’s time to shut off the football (or whatever season of sport it may be! Don’t you see it’s none stop?) Turn off the American Idol (doesn’t the title of the show sound any alarms? Are we that numb? It’s just a word right?) And live in a way that makes sense in light of Jesus’ sufferings, the book of Revelation, the wave of Islam, the death of Christians (estimated at about 1 every 3 minutes), starvation and poverty, and HELL and HEAVEN.
"How many disciples will I make in 2012 Lord?" "What will they look like?" "What will they see in my life?" "What will they imitate?"
As I leave the Mansoa hospital here in Guinea Bissau, and see a woman, basically a breathing corpse and I see her husband, a Muslim background believer trying to spoon feed her juice, that she doesn’t hardly have the strength to swallow as he holds her up with his body and nurses her, spending all of what little money to pay for anything……it hits me again. The message of American churches with all their strobe lights and worship productions and messages so much centered around "Me" and what God has for "Me" (even the message of prosperity… really? It’s not enough? You don’t have enough?) it’s no wonder God speaks so strongly to the church of Laodicea. It’s no wonder He wants to vomit her out of His mouth. It’s no wonder.
When will the church arise and make disciples, and come overseas and make disciples? It’s starts in our Jerusalem, than goes to the surrounding areas and into the world. Truly, if a follower of Christ is addicted to TV at their home in America they’ll be addicted to TV overseas. If you don’t evangelize there, you won’t evangelize anywhere (or do it minimally). You know what’s over here in the 5th poorest country in the world? Hollywood junk. Pornography straight from America. Violence and smut. Is it any wonder the world shakes its head at America? What about the Church of America? Remember friend….. before you point the finger, judgment begins in the household of God. If America is a "Christian nation" where is the salt stopping this corruption and where is the light exposing this darkness?
It’s time to cry. It’s time to rend our hearts. It’s time to bring forth the FRUITS of repentance. One is in the use of our time. How about shutting off that TV? How about taking it off the center place in our living room and putting a Bible there instead and when you feel tempted to watch it, have the family worship and declare the Word of God over your family? Is that too much?
I have to confess a burning in my heart, for it appears to me that much of the church still doesn’t get it. It IS NOT the government that determines if this is a "Christian" country, it’s not the promotion of candidates that should give voice to our convictions. It IS in how we live our lives that should show we are followers of Jesus and the preaching of the Gospel that should give voice to our convictions!
The shouting goes on…. Sarah Palin… the savior, the one who will turn this country around? No…..what’s happened in her own family? Her daughter is with a child with a guy that eventually poses for Playgirl and she goes on wanting to do a reality show? Does someone see something terribly wrong here? Is this where your faith is to see America turned around?
Mitt Romney? Placing millions of dollars in foreign banks to avoid paying taxes and guising it as something that is a simple investment and speaking something entirely different and "fighting" for the middle class. Are you serious? Is this ethical? Country above personal interests and acquired wealth? Or is it the other way?
Newt Gringrich, divorcing his first wife in his infidelity as she was with cancer, and then divorcing his second wife as she comes down with MS and now married again. His second wife testifying he wanted an "open" marriage, to have sexual relations with a mistress while married to her…and commits infidelity again. And Governor Perry is endorsing him? Are you serious? What kind of reflection is that on Perry’s standard? On the church’s standard?
Ron Paul, who has made anti Israel statements, which any Bible based believer should know that’s dangerous ground to say the least, that’s s a time bomb of God’s judgment for this nation if he follows his statements with action.
Are these who you are trusting in to "turn America around" to turn them back to God?
And it goes on….. Haven’t we been here before? (I don’t need to cross parties obviously to see whether righteousness is being promoted or not).
George W. Bush, the Christian savior for America? Why don’t you ask him about skull and crossbones secret societies or about the Bohemian Grove in California and what "secret" things go on their (abominations in the eyes of God!). A Christian? What kind of Christian are we talking about? What is our definition? Can you really serve two masters? Doesn’t Jesus say clearly you cannot? You will either love the one and hate the other.
"Who are you to judge?" No friend, it’s called discernment, God will judge, but we are to call black, black, and white, white, to declare what is righteous, otherwise you have no plumb line, you have nothing but a man who is "tossed by every wind of doctrine," one who has no foundation of rock and willingly lives out the statement of Jesus "if the blind lead the blind they both will fall into the ditch." He calls us to have our eyes open and following the truth!
The point is…. "Where is your faith?" When are we as the church going to place our faith solely in Jesus and DEMONSTRATE THAT BY OUR ACTIONS.
Let’s get real with ourselves.
You and I hold to Matthew 28:18-20, the GREAT COMMISSION, the centerpiece vision (or should be) in our churches, the subject of many a sermon.
How many disciples have I made in 2011? Have you made? In 2010? In 2009? Since Obama was in office?
A disciple should be according to Jesus, like his teacher. Are they like you? Do they use their money like you? Do they pray like you? Do they fast like you? Do they use their free time like you? Do they treat their families like you? Do they lead their families to the presence of Jesus like you? Do they know the voice of Jesus the Great Shepherd? Do they live holy? Are they filled with love and are reaching out to others with the Gospel?
If every "Spirit filled" believer just made 2 disciples every 6 months, America would be a different place. Period. With or without politics. Whoever is or will become President.
I didn’t ask what protest or what petition you signed or what you are advocating,…. How many disciples did you make this last year? That’s the COMMAND of Jesus. I’m not saying getting involved in social issues or the processing of laws is wrong, but that’s not what you are COMMANDED to do. You and I are COMMANDED to GO and MAKE DISCIPLES. If we are truly His disciples, then we will follow His example, which was pouring His few years on this earth into disciples.
Let’s get honest with God and with ourselves. "Where is my faith?"
Faith…. Is from the Word of God (Romans 10:17) and without works, it’s dead (James 2).
It’s time to shut off the football (or whatever season of sport it may be! Don’t you see it’s none stop?) Turn off the American Idol (doesn’t the title of the show sound any alarms? Are we that numb? It’s just a word right?) And live in a way that makes sense in light of Jesus’ sufferings, the book of Revelation, the wave of Islam, the death of Christians (estimated at about 1 every 3 minutes), starvation and poverty, and HELL and HEAVEN.
"How many disciples will I make in 2012 Lord?" "What will they look like?" "What will they see in my life?" "What will they imitate?"
As I leave the Mansoa hospital here in Guinea Bissau, and see a woman, basically a breathing corpse and I see her husband, a Muslim background believer trying to spoon feed her juice, that she doesn’t hardly have the strength to swallow as he holds her up with his body and nurses her, spending all of what little money to pay for anything……it hits me again. The message of American churches with all their strobe lights and worship productions and messages so much centered around "Me" and what God has for "Me" (even the message of prosperity… really? It’s not enough? You don’t have enough?) it’s no wonder God speaks so strongly to the church of Laodicea. It’s no wonder He wants to vomit her out of His mouth. It’s no wonder.
When will the church arise and make disciples, and come overseas and make disciples? It’s starts in our Jerusalem, than goes to the surrounding areas and into the world. Truly, if a follower of Christ is addicted to TV at their home in America they’ll be addicted to TV overseas. If you don’t evangelize there, you won’t evangelize anywhere (or do it minimally). You know what’s over here in the 5th poorest country in the world? Hollywood junk. Pornography straight from America. Violence and smut. Is it any wonder the world shakes its head at America? What about the Church of America? Remember friend….. before you point the finger, judgment begins in the household of God. If America is a "Christian nation" where is the salt stopping this corruption and where is the light exposing this darkness?
It’s time to cry. It’s time to rend our hearts. It’s time to bring forth the FRUITS of repentance. One is in the use of our time. How about shutting off that TV? How about taking it off the center place in our living room and putting a Bible there instead and when you feel tempted to watch it, have the family worship and declare the Word of God over your family? Is that too much?
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Love and Truth
One of the most powerful times of prayer I've experienced in my life (My wife caught the second photo as she was crying from just watching what God was doing!). Brothers from our first class praying over the 2nd and vice versa, brothers from America praying over African brothers and vice versa.
Shouts of joy and victory, coupled with tears and weeping. What a time in His presence! I have seen few times like that one with such intensity in brothers praying for each other.
O that all would have such an experience in the glory of God and feel the joy and love that comes from hearts that are given over to Jesus in holiness and truth. Father, I love these brothers with all my heart!!!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
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